i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
