i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
