i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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