My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
