oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
