i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
