Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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