We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
