areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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