someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize