I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
