I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
