We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
