i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
