I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
