I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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