I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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