I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
