I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
