Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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