im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
