Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So much rum. So many feels.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
