I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
