You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
