dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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