Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Your cock deserves a montage
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
