A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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