i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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