We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
