I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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