Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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