I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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