dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
