smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
