How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
