Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
