absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
