Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
