I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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