I cannot find my penis.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
