he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
