His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
