nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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