Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
