I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
