Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
