I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
