please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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