apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
