I can't breathe out the right side of my face
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
