Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
