I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
