note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
is that a dick in a sweater?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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