Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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