Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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