Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
