she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Also, beer. Big fan.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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