My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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