i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We got so high we made milksteak
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
