I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
