the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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