I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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