i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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