I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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