put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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