He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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