So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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